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jOkez n' stuFf

1) What do a bungee jump and a Hooker have in common?

They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead.


2) One evening a mom and dad and two sons are watching TV. The dad gives the mom a look, and they head upstairs. The two little boys wonder what they are doing, so they go up to take a peek.

''Well,'' said the older boy, ''remember this when mom gets on your case for sucking your thumb!''

3) What do you call a 350-pound stripper?

Broke!

4) "God," said Adam, "Why did you make Eve so beautiful?"

"So you would love her."

"But why did you make her so dumb?"

"So she would love you."

Bad Girls vs Good Girls

  • Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
  • Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
  • Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
  • Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.
  • Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.
  • Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
  • Good girls say, ''Don't... Stop...'' Bad girls say, ''Don't Stop...''

~What do sex and a savings account have in common?

Once you withdraw you lose interest.


~FuNnY QuOtEs~
 
"Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions."
-Woody Allen.
 
"What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home."
 
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."
-Joan Rivers.
 
"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
-Woody Allen.
 
 
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
-Rodney Dangerfield.
 
"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff."
-Steven Wright.
 
"Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?"
 
"I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?"
 
"I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious."
 
 
 

 12 Things NOT to say to a Cop

1. I cant reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas) 

 2. Sorry, Officer, I didnt realize my radar detector wasnt plugged in.

 3.Arent you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you mustve been doin about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. Youre not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! Thats terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too! 

 10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. Thats how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldnt respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"